Dear five thousand extra words,
I know it may be asking much, but your sudden yet magical disappearance would be greatly appreciated. Your existence is currently making my life somewhat more difficult than is necessary and I’ve decided to write about three hundred more words just to tell you this.
Listen, I hate to have to cut you out myself because, well, let’s face it, I feel like I need you. And you and I both know that no one wants their feelings hurt. You may be five thousand words too many, but I truly feel like you belong right where you are! The problem is that I just can’t have you around right now.
I am truly sorry to say this, but I really need you to go. It would be better for both you and I, our future, and the possibility of you returning one day. In fact, I can confidently say that the sooner you leave, the more quickly the chance of your return will come. If I decide to pursue a further degree or even expand my dissertation into a book, you’ll be welcomed back with open arms.
But for now, let’s just make this easy for both of us. If you leave, we can remain friends. If you decide to stay… Well, let’s just say I’m hoping it doesn’t come down to that. And for the record, it isn’t you. It’s the word count. It is always the word count.
I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship because I know I will need you in the future. Whenever writer’s block comes around, I hope you’ll have my back. I’m sorry it didn’t work out and I hope things will be better in the near future.
Your friend, the verbose writer.